If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
