definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
