ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
