remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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