Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
