Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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