I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
