I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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