I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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