Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
