you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
