No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
