I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
