we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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