Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
