so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sober January is a disaster.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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