We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
