So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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