my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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