He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
