Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
People in love make me want to vomit
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
