"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
