i permit you to call me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
