she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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