yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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