halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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