Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
honey bunches of taint.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
