i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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