so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
