He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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