I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The adults are the big ones right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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