i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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