Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
