we have officially lost it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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