Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
