I wish my penis had an off switch
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
