At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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