I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The best revenge is premature balding
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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