Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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