Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
