I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
