Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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