Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
