are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
