I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
