News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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