why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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