HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
