I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
