My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
