so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
