for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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